Physics Chicken jokes
Why did the chicken cross the Moebius strip?
To get to the other ... er, um ...
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Alexander Graham Bell: To get to the nearest phone.
Andre Ampere: To keep up with current events.
Pierre de Fermat:
1: I just don't have room here to give the full explanation.
2: It did not fit on the margin on this side.
3: Crossing the road was the path with the minimum value of
Paul Erdos: It was forced to do so by the chicken-hole principle.
Godel: It cannot be proved whether the chicken crossed the road.
Georg Friedrich Riemann: The answer appears in Dirichlet's lectures.
William J. Broad: "The crux is that the vast majority of the poultry in the universe seems to be missing."
Marie Curie: She was radiating with enthusiasm as she crossed the road.
Nicolaus Copernicus: Despite the evidence of you senses I can show that it is mathematically simpler to describe it as the road passing under the chicken.
C. J. Doppler: For its effect on passer-bys.
Thomas Edison: She thought it would be an illuminating experience.
Richard Feynman: It didn't cross the road to the other side. It actually came back to where it started but was momentarily moving backward in time.
Jean Foucault: It didnít. The rotation of the earth made it appear to cross.
Buckminister Fuller: Because we have not yet designed and implemented true, constantly forwardly/backwardly evolving, energy-transforming living machines which will enable us to perform all functions from the informedly turbining hub of a single autonomous in-spiralling/out-radiating network of space-connected information vector transforms. Had the chicken been supplied with my Dymaxion Tensegrity Coop, it would have remained at home, un-tempted by such risky spatial-temporal translations.
Galileo: To get a better look at the stars.
Karl Gauss: Because of the magnetic personality of the rooster on the
(1) We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
(2) It was uncertain if it could make it, but wanted to try on general principles.
(3) Because the chicken is moving very fast, you can either observe the chicken or you can measure the chicken, but you cannot do both.
(4) We could tell you how it crossed the road, but we couldn't tell you where.
Gustav Hertz: Lately, its been crossing with greater frequency.
1) Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.
2) It was pushed on the road.
3) It was pushed on the road by another chicken, which went away from the road.
4) It was attracted to a chicken on the other side of the road.
I have not yet found the cause of this behavior of the chicken, based on the phenomenon's and I do not make hypotheses.
No doubt the ancients knew why the chicken crossed the road and I am studying the bible and try to rediscover their mathematics to find out why the chicken crossed the road.
I wrote a manuscript on chickens crossing the road a few years back. It is in a drawer somewhere and I will send it to you as soon as I find it, dear Halley.
Wolfgang Pauli: There already was a chicken on this side of the road.
James Watt: It thought it would be a good way to let off steam.
(1) She had to get to the farm, or did she?
(2) Since the wording of the question implies the absence of an observer (else the fowl's motivation might easily be deduced), it is evident that the chicken simultaneously did _and_ did not cross the road. In the face of this, any speculation as to the bird's purpose must be viewed as mere
sophistry -- and as such is beyond the bounds of this discussion.
(3) Chicken? Chicken!? Where's my cat?
(4) Until the actual act or non-act of crossing the road was observed, the act remained a cloud of probabilities.
(1) Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?
(2) Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
(3) It was a relatively easy thing to do.
(4) The true value of a chicken can be found in the degree to which it has attained liberation from the self.
There are two possibilities: One that the distance between the chicken and the side of the road that it was on before it crossed is expanding, and the other, that the distance is contracting, and will collapse on itself.
There are billions and billions and billions of such chickens, crossing roads just like this one, all across the universe.
(1) To get various strains of roads.
(2) It was dominant.
Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.
Linus Pauling: To get some Vitamin C.
Jacques Ives Cousteau: Zee cheecken, unaware of zee dangare beehind heem, crosses zee street. Weezout warning, zee Porsche strikes, and zee balance of zee nature ees maintained.
Rene Descartes: It had sufficient reason to believe it was dreaming anyway.
Lord Rutherford: The problem with the chicken crossing the road is NOT that it DOESN'T make sense, but rather that it ALMOST makes sense.
(1) The chicken will invariably cross the road at the worst possible time and the worst possible place.
(2) The chicken had a bad day.
(3) The more the chicken wants to cross the road the more likely traffic gets heavier.
(4) When the chicken finally gives it up traffic stops instantaneously.
Why did the tachyon cross the road?
Because it was on the other side.